Episode 93: King Solomon’s Mines (1985)

What happens when a man’s creation becomes his agent of destruction? Well, the Modern Prometheus (Brad) finds out when his Frankingstein monster (The Board of Many Things) immediately turns on him as it casts an uncaring eye towards the 1985 Cannon ripoff of Indiana Jones King Solomon’s Mines. 

Despite being directed by J. Lee Thompson (Cape Fear, Guns of the Navarone, Mackenna’s Gold, 10 to Midnight), scored by Jerry Goldsmith (Alien, Patton, Chinatown, Papillon), and starring Richard Chamberlain (The Towering Inferno, The Thorn Birds, Shogun), Sharon Stone (Basic Instinct, The Quick and the Dead, Sliver), and John Rhys-Davies (The Lord of the Rings, Indiana Jones, Sliders) this movie is a ROUGH ONE.

What started as a potentially fun romp turned sour quickly with a sloppy bouillabaisse of tonal whiplash, not-so-casual racism, and BOREDOM. Sean handles the assignment with typical aplomb, but Brad has several nervous breakdowns throughout the course of the episode.

Is this the worst movie we’ve watched on this show? Not by a long shot. Is this the movie that made Brad the angriest on this show? Also, not by a long shot. But goddamn did it shatter Brad’s brain.

This was supposed to be one of the more fun board choices. Christ.

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For a discussion about a good goofy movie, check out our episode on the 1974 Bud Spencer and Terrance Hill classic Watch Out, We’re Mad.